There is power in language – including words and how they are used, tone, body language, facial expressions etc. To have an open conversation, it needs to be non-confrontational and not personal.
Be aware of judgement language – the word “you” can imply blame; “should” can suggest something’s wrong and that another perspective is right; “always” can be heard as extreme and not allowing for different behaviour to be acknowledged.
Words like “hate, abusive, useless, angry” contain strong emotions that can trigger negative reactions. Even the way a sentence begins can have a huge impact, for example; saying “we need to talk,” can heighten feelings of uncertainty and worry.
Honesty, however, can be effective, especially when using “I statements” – acknowledge that the topic is difficult, and explain your feelings and concerns in a non-threatening way.