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Client Stories

Phoebe’s new car means a safer, happier Christmas

When Phoebe and her children’s safety was at risk in the days leading up to Christmas, a swift collaboration between Good Shepherd and Turners Cars helped them find a car and keep away from harm.

Phoebe and her children had been in and out of safe housing as they attempted to stay safe from her ex-partner. She had a protection order against him after repeated family violence incidents. During their relationship he didn’t allow Phoebe any access to money, and he also took money from the children. He has been in prison multiple times and tries to find Phoebe every time he is released — often threatening her, using violence, damaging property and creating increased financial hardship.

Phoebe was experiencing layers of financial challenge. Her ex had taken out debt in her name without her consent or knowledge, including for a family car that he damaged beyond repair.

As a single parent trying to manage everyday life, not having a car was contributing to Phoebe’s difficulties. A vehicle could play an important role in keeping her and her children well amid financial strain and the threat of violence. Without one, it was very hard to coordinate day to day life including school transport, family responsibilities, appointments and groceries. A car was also required in the safety plan Women’s Refuge had prepared for Phoebe.

Phoebe had explored every option to help her get a car in the past, including using loans. She drew down some of her Kiwisaver. She had worked alongside Women’s Refuge, Police, Victim Support and the Ministry of Social Development. When she was able to purchase a car, it was later damaged by her ex and he evaded being held accountable for the cost of repairs or replacement. She applied three times for a no-interest car loan with Good Shepherd, but it couldn’t be approved because she couldn’t afford the repayments.

Christmas was approaching, and Phoebe learned her ex partner was due to be released from prison again. The Good Shepherd team was concerned. Phoebe’s safety depended on having a vehicle so she and her family could live in a house her ex wouldn’t be able to find. A member of Good Shepherd’s team explored whether Phoebe’s circumstances could qualify her for a grant from our donation fund. This fund is made up entirely of donations from people who want to help women, girls and their families. It’s normally used to provide small grants alongside our services when someone has an urgent and serious need. To help Phoebe stay safe from harm, our team wanted to secure a grant for the maximum of $4,999. But there were questions about whether this would cover the cost of a reliable family car.

The Good Shepherd team decided to reach out to Turners Cars to see if they could help. Turners are valued partners of Good Shepherd. They support our work by making guides to help our clients buy a suitable car, and taking extra time and care to help them find an affordable vehicle that’s right for them.

On the last working day of the year, just hours after hearing from Good Shepherd, Turners’ general manager and CEO confirmed they could find a suitable car for Phoebe to buy. They took steps to learn about her needs. They identified a good sensible car for Phoebe and generously offered to discount the price so it could be purchased for $4,999. The grant was paid to Turners and they arranged for Phoebe to collect it.

To protect her new asset, there was a condition on the Good Shepherd grant that Phoebe would need to pay for insurance. We arranged low-cost comprehensive Drive insurance through a partnership with Vero so Phoebe could be certain this car would be there for her family when they needed it.

The family hadn’t made plans for Christmas because money was tight and getting around was difficult. As well as making everyday life more manageable and ensuring the family’s safety from violence, Turners’ support meant Phoebe and her children could enjoy more freedom over the summer holidays.

Tessa’s journey from credit issues to manageable car loan

Life can be lonely and stressful as a solo mum without family around, particularly when things go wrong. Working with Good Shepherd helped me feel like I had someone in my corner.

Now I’m working on building from strength to strength for myself and my kids.

This is Tessa’s story, edited to keep her from being identified and to help you read. Quotes are Tessa’s own words. Names have been changed.

Before I connected with Good Shepherd, life felt a bit like an uphill battle. As a solo mother of three, I was facing financial struggles without any family support to lean on.

“I felt really alone and desperate and in a corner. I was struggling with a lot of other things, not just my finances, as a solo parent. Life was in a dark place.”

It wasn’t until my car was on its last legs that I found out scammers had been using my account, which completely tanked my credit score. It was a nightmare that took several months to sort out. I can’t begin to describe the anxiety I felt every day, driving an old car that could break down at any moment. I needed a new car badly, but my credit score made it nearly impossible to get a car loan from a traditional lender.

“I was also really worried that if I was accepted somewhere how I was going to pay the interest. Some companies advertised saying they would help, but the interest rates were just insane.”

I first heard about Good Shepherd through a Facebook group called “Mums on the benefit.” Women like me shared stories of how Good Shepherd had helped them without judgement. I did my research and decided to give it a shot. What drew me to Good Shepherd was their Christian values, their genuine care for people and their commitment to thoroughly understanding each applicant’s financial situation. It was a relief to know they wouldn’t just look at my credit score and dismiss me. I’ve been through a lot in my life. As a single mother on a benefit with no family support, I’ve faced a lot of stigma and tough deals — but my experience with Good Shepherd was different.

“I applied for finance before, and it was a horrible feeling. It felt like they were there to make money off of me… It was so different with Good Shepherd. I imagine it would be more like how a family member would treat you, where they were seeing how they could help you.”

Working with Good Shepherd was a game-changer. They gave me a loan to buy a car, and the impact was immediate. My constant anxiety started to lift. Having a reliable car gave me peace of mind and started to make everything easier. But it wasn’t just about the car. It was about how Good Shepherd made me feel — respected, uplifted and hopeful. By going through my finances with me in detail during the application process, it showed me I could not only afford the loan, but I could also trust myself to manage it responsibly.

“It gave me a strong feeling of hope because they looked really closely at my finances, and they could see that I could afford it. It really made me feel really good. It gave me a renewed outlook on humanity in general.”

My financial struggles haven’t disappeared, but having a functioning vehicle has made a huge difference. I’m proud to say I have been successfully paying it off too. There are still tough days. I had to put my work on hold because of burnout. I also worry about potential mechanical issues with the car — but I’m managing. It feels good to know Good Shepherd will be there if anything else goes wrong.

I have big hopes for the future. I want to continue to heal from the trauma of the past, build resilience and find work that fits my family’s needs and my values. Ultimately, I dream of moving off the benefit, making enough to take care of my family, and achieving a healthy balance between work and home life. I don’t want my kids to miss out on anything.

“I’m hoping to be building from strength to strength. I want to heal and grow stronger.”

Sarah finds stability in work, home and transport

I’ve worked hard to ensure my kids have the secure and steady life I never had.

A Good Loan helped me fix my car, keep my job and protect our family home until we were able to sell. It gave me the breathing room I needed to hold on to what matters most — stability for my family.

This is Sarah’s story, edited to keep her safe and help you read. Quotes are Sarah’s own words. Names have been changed.

Life’s been a journey, but one of the toughest periods was not long ago when I almost lost everything.

At the time, we were living in a semi-rural area. As a solo mum I was working while trying to keep our heads above water. It became clear I needed to downsize from our family home, which I bought off my ex-partner when the property market was high. Interest rates were skyrocketing, and it was stressful to know I needed to sell before I couldn’t afford the mortgage anymore. I just needed to bide my time until the market started to pick up again and I could make enough to secure a new mortgage.

Around this time, the gearbox in my car failed and needed to be replaced. I couldn’t afford to fix it. But without the car, I wouldn’t be able to get to work. Public transport wasn’t an option where we lived. If I couldn’t fix the car, I’d lose my job. Without my job, I’d lose the house. We were at the brink of a spiral that would be hard to stop.

“If Good Loans hadn’t helped me, it would have been really dire.”

Every option I explored turned into a dead end. My bank wouldn’t approve a personal loan because of my mortgage. I tried other lenders, but I kept getting declined. It was my boss who suggested I apply for a loan through Good Shepherd.

“I felt trapped. I felt like my best efforts weren’t working.”

The process of applying for the loan was straightforward once I got started. Bex, the person who helped me, was incredibly kind and supportive. She treated me like an individual, not just another application. She could see my situation — that I was equity-rich but serviceability-poor — and she understood the challenges I was facing. She didn’t judge and treated me with respect, which made all the difference to me when I was at my wits’ end.

“I feel like it helped me not have a nervous breakdown. It was a really huge sense of relief. Bex was just really kind…She could see I had equity and money that I couldn’t access. She empathised with me and saw I was a good steward of money with no credit cards or afterpay or anything. I felt seen.”

There was a bit of a delay before I was connected with Bex, which was stressful given how urgent my situation was. When people are desperate, they’re more likely to turn to predatory lenders. I’m grateful I held out, but I can see how others might not have that patience. Once everything was finalised, though, I could breathe again.

The interest-free loan allowed me to repair my car without sinking deeper into debt. Given my situation with the house, I don’t think I would have been able to afford a car loan with high interest rates. The Good Loan helped me manage everything so things didn’t fall apart. I could get to work, earn my income and hold onto our home until it was sold. That stability meant the world to me and my kids. Growing up, my parents’ divorce left me feeling constantly uprooted. I didn’t want that for my kids.

“I would have been devastated if I had to rent because the only time I’ve ever had stability is when I was in charge of my own money and had my own house. My kids have been able to stay in the home they grew up in their whole lives until I could sell it. They had stability I never had. That was really big for me.”

Life is still challenging, but it’s more manageable. I’ve downsized to a smaller house closer to town, which means I can walk to shops or catch a bus if the car ever has issues again. My mortgage is smaller — though with the current interest rates, my weekly payments haven’t decreased much. I’m just treading water until the rates hopefully drop next year. But we have a home, and that’s something I’m deeply grateful for.

“I count myself as one of the lucky ones. I feel blessed, and we have a roof over my head. It could always be worse.”

Looking back, the Good Loan wasn’t just financial assistance. It prevented a cascade of other losses. Sometimes, one small thing can stop everything else from spiraling. It helped me keep my job, my house and my peace of mind. The weekly payments for the loan are really manageable. Without the burden of interest, I can focus on moving forward.

I’m proud of the steps I’ve taken to provide for my family. The loan gave me the breathing room we need to get through that difficult time. For anyone in a tough spot, sometimes all you need is a helping hand, and for me, that’s exactly what Good Shepherd provided.

Manawa’s car unlocks a more confident life

My car gave me the freedom to connect to myself, my family and my community.

I’m feeling confident about who I am and where I’m headed — and I’m passionate about helping others find their way too.

This is Manawa’s story, edited to keep her from being identified and to help you read. Quotes are Manawa’s own words. Names have been changed.

A couple of years ago, I was in a bad place. I broke up with my partner and lost custody of my kids. My mental health had taken a hit. I let my car go because I couldn’t keep up with the expenses. Without a car, I had to rely on buses or walk long distances just to get to school or visits with my children. I was doing good with what I could, but life felt like a journey full of challenges.

“I was kind of like losing my marbles…I was really educated in the last few years to understand life. No one tells you about life, you know. You’re figuring it out.”

The first time I applied for a Good Shepherd loan, I was turned down. My budget just didn’t work. At the time, I was paying a lot in rent each week, and I barely had enough money for other expenses.

About a year later, my situation had changed. I had fewer living expenses. I also needed a car more than ever. So I decided to try again. It took a lot of persistence on my end to get Good Shepherd to respond to my initial application, but I didn’t give up. To my surprise and relief, I was eventually approved for a loan to buy a car.

That car changed everything for me. It wasn’t just a vehicle — it was my ticket to freedom and stability. When I first got it, I was going through a rough patch with my living situation and ended up living in the car for a couple of weeks. I had chosen it carefully, making sure it had foldable seats so I could sleep in the back if needed. And it served that purpose well.

“Yeah, it’s just a car, but it was a safe place I could go. No one could kick me out, and I could take myself anywhere.”

With my car I moved to a little house near the beach, where I spent time healing and learning to live sustainably. I collected rainwater, used a generator and paid close attention to the rhythms of nature. Being by the ocean helped me calm my mind and process everything I’d been through. I used that time to reflect on my choices and figure out what kind of future I wanted to create.

“I had to go find myself, sort myself out and heal a bit from all my trauma. The car helped me on my healing.”

Over the past year, my life has transformed. My car has been an important tool for me to reclaim my life for the better, allowing me to get to school, visit my kids and travel into town for groceries and appointments. I now have 50/50 custody of my kids. I’ve moved to a rental closer to town.

I’m nearly finished with a diploma in accounting. It’s something I am very passionate about, and I’m excelling in so many ways. I’ve just been offered an exciting internship to become an accounting technician. I know a good career will help ensure my kids don’t have to go through the same things I have been through. I’m proud of the progress I’ve made and the example I’m setting for my kids and others.

“From the low point, I am now passionate about teaching and inspiring others to learn and grow too.”

I’ve also been able to show up for my family and my community in ways I couldn’t before. I’ve traveled to tangi to support my family. I’ve been able to connect with my whakapapa and even contributed to research about my family history.

I am feeling really positive about life these days, which is so different from a year ago. Having faith and belief in myself has made a world of difference. I love helping others to feel the same way. Looking back now, I can see that all the things I went through were meant to be. They’ve helped me find my path.

“Now I know who I am. I stay more confident and stronger in myself and what I want, rather than being the flock following the flock.”

The support I’ve received from Good Shepherd has been life-changing. I’m so grateful for the chance to rebuild and create a brighter future. Today, I’m learning to enjoy life rather than just endure it. That’s a gift I’ll never take for granted.

Abbie plans for a debt-free life after economic harm

Facing my finances and past head-on wasn’t easy — but with practical and empathetic support, it freed up my life again.

Today I’m lighter, more confident and planning for the future. I’m proud to be rebuilding a secure and happy life for me and my son.

This is Abbie’s story, edited to keep her from being identified and to help you read. Quotes are Abbie’s own words. Names have been changed.

I had just come out of a string of abusive relationships, one of which left me in significant financial trouble by taking out loans in my name that he never repaid. When my car broke down, I was buried in debt with no credit and no real support to help me through.

Reaching out to Good Shepherd was one of the best financial decisions I ever made. When I first got in contact, I was hoping to get a loan for a car — but I ended up getting so much more.

Once Good Shepherd’s loan team heard more about my experience, they put me in touch with Charlotte in their economic harm team. Her support was beyond anything I could have imagined. Charlotte reached out to all my creditors and negotiated with them, managing to erase nearly $12,000 worth of debt.

The process did bring some challenges. It was long-winded, with a lot of paperwork and financial details to sort through. At times, I wasn’t sure if I’d be approved for the loan because of all the debt I was carrying. The process also forced me to face my finances — and the aftermath of those abusive relationships — head-on and confront things I had been avoiding.

“I had been hiding from it with my head in the sand, which is what you do when you are completely overwhelmed. It was a very hard time — but when the loan came through, the relief that I felt. Everything was worth all the work.”

I’ve always found it hard to ask for help, especially after everything I’d been through. But Charlotte was incredibly understanding. She had been through a similar experience, which made things easier. She was always there for me, checking in with updates as she worked hard behind the scenes to clear all those debts. It’s hard to explain how important it felt to have someone who genuinely cared about my situation. Charlotte didn’t judge me but instead helped me turn things around.

“Who was this amazing person who came into my life at the right time?…I felt completely blessed.”

There were some immediate changes in my life after working with Charlotte and Good Shepherd. It was such a relief to clear most of those debts and to have a good working car again. It was also an important starting point for a life that felt like my own again.

“I said to [Charlotte] that she came into my life and helped me remove those awful exes in my life bit by bit. I feel freer. I feel more ordered. And that’s a good and secure place to be in.”

I haven’t missed a payment with Good Shepherd yet, and I’ve been able to increase my payments too. My finances are much more in order. I no longer feel burdened by the debts that once seemed impossible. I know exactly what I owe and what’s coming out each month. I finally have the ability and confidence to save and make decisions I couldn’t have made before.

My son has a birthday coming up. I’m able to afford a little birthday party. That’s a huge shift for us, both financially and emotionally. It feels so good to be able to contribute to school fundraisers and events — things that may seem small to some, but make a huge difference to me.

“[My son] had photographs taken…that were beautiful. I was able to buy four of them. These sorts of things make an impact on you and him and your parenting, and make your child feel valid too.”

I even just bought a self-propelled lawn mower, something I have managed to save up for. It wasn’t a huge expense but the ability to make that purchase was something that felt out of reach before.

I’m feeling so much more stable these days. Money is still tight, but I have enough to live — and I get to enjoy precious time with my son while he’s still young. I don’t spend on things I don’t need. I’m proud of that. But I can afford to take myself out to dinner every now and then without too much stress. I can just enjoy the moment.

Looking ahead, I hope to be completely debt-free in five years. I want to have a steady income and a routine that supports my family. I’m also thinking about going back to study, possibly in healthcare, which feels like the right path for me based on my own experiences with injuries. I want to help others the way I’ve been helped. In the meantime, I am thankful for where I am now. Good Shepherd’s support has made such a big difference in my life.

“I’m very grateful…It was just at such a turning point in my life. No actually, this whole thing was the turning point at a really tough time.”

Lillian works through the ripple effects of financial abuse

Starting over as a single mum after an emotionally and financially abusive relationship felt despairing. It was like everything was set up to disadvantage women like me.

Good Shepherd helped me find a sense of control and my inner strength. Now I’m moving from surviving to thriving.

This is Lillian’s story, edited to keep her from being identified and to help you read. Quotes are Lillian’s own words. Names have been changed.

Before I reached out to Good Shepherd, my life felt like it was crumbling around me. I had just left a long-term abusive relationship and was starting over with my kids. It wasn’t until I was out of the relationship that I began to understand the full extent of what had happened — how my ex had controlled my ability to earn money and build a career. At the time, I thought it was normal or even my fault.

“I tried to do research about what happens to women after they leave an abusive relationship where there is financial abuse. It was so sad. Men get richer and women get poorer. I knew it’s systemic and not me, but it was hard to not say I should be better and I should have not gotten myself into this.”

Suddenly I was a solo mum with no income and a mountain of trauma to work through — both mine and my children’s. The house we lived in, which I co-owned with my ex, started falling apart. The shower leaked, the dishwasher and washing machine broke down and the car battery died. I couldn’t afford to fix anything. The stress took its toll on all of us.

As I struggled to keep things afloat, I was also fighting against systems that seemed designed to punish rather than support single mothers. The stigma was overwhelming — people would wonder why I wasn’t coping better or why I hadn’t “bounced back” after leaving the relationship.

“It felt like nobody understood what it was like to be a single mum in an abusive relationship. I didn’t even understand what it was like to be there…the experience of it was really, really hard to explain, even to myself.”

I’ll never forget the relief I felt after that first call with Good Shepherd. Apart from the Women’s Refuge, they were the first people who listened. They didn’t judge. They didn’t ask how I had ended up in my situation or why I couldn’t just fix it myself. Instead, they asked, ‘How can we help you?’

Good Shepherd helped me in so many practical ways. They provided an interest-free loan to cover the most urgent repairs. They also helped me structure my finances to make things more manageable. For example, my benefits were paid weekly, but my mortgage came out monthly, which created constant stress. Lynda, the person I worked with at Good Shepherd, suggested I switch to weekly mortgage payments. It was such a simple change, but it made a big difference.

She also helped me understand my spending without making me feel bad. When I was too depressed to cook, I’d buy takeaways, which some people might criticise. Lynda just got it. She said things like, ‘If there is one way you can take a bit of pressure off yourself’. That empathy meant the world to me.

After working with Good Shepherd, I finally felt a sense of control over my finances. Things were still tight, but the chaos eased. I could start making progress. Fixing the car, for example, wasn’t just about the car — it was a symbol for what I was capable of.

“If you can fix just one thing or multiple things, you get that sense of, ‘I can do this, and then I can do the next thing.’ To be able to fix something, it changes your thinking about your whole situation. It’s not so despairing anymore.”

Today, my life looks very different. After years of legal battles, I finally secured the house in the separation. I’ve been working to repair and improve it.

I also found a job that I love. It’s the sort of work that is meditative and healing for me and feels true to who I am — it’s helping me reclaim parts of myself that were lost in the relationship. It doesn’t pay much though, and sometimes I struggle with this tension.

“When I was thinking about work, there were two conflicting values. I really, really needed money. Money was so key to rebuilding my life…I could see if I stayed on the benefit I just wouldn’t progress. I would never really be or feel independent. On the other hand, I really valued work that really felt like me.”

Looking ahead, I hope to move from just surviving to building a life I truly enjoy. I want to continue creating stability for my kids and myself. One day, I’d love to explore how I can help other women who are going through what I’ve been through. I wish there was more understanding of what women go through when they experience financial abuse. We need more organisations like Good Shepherd, who can help us get through when everything feels dark.

“[Good Shepherd] was like a light that came in for me who said, ‘Yes. This is really hard — but we get it, and you can do it’. It gave me some footing. It gave me hope I could get out of this situation.”

Juliette’s story about dealing with debt

I’d love to find a house where the children can have their own bedrooms and go to a good school. I’m keen to finish my studies and pursue a career in nursing.

My partner’s physical and financial abuse took a real toll on me. My kids and I can’t rent a house or buy a car because of the debt he took out in my name.

This is Juliette’s story, edited to keep her safe and help you read. Quotes are Juliette’s own words. Names have been changed.

I was with Steve for ten years, and I left the relationship ten months ago.

Before we got together, I was happy and financially independent — feeling proud of what I had achieved in my work and studies after doing some level four certificates to further my career in the disability sector.

“Nothing is ever perfect, but life was pretty good. I had my own finances. I had been working since I was 15.”

Steve and I started seeing each other and things were going ok. We had been together for just a month when I became pregnant. This felt like it sped things up and we hadn’t gotten to know each other very well yet. Our relationship was fine until I was eight months’ pregnant and on maternity leave, when he hit me for the first time.

I was the main income earner and only stopped working to go on a benefit for a short time after having each of my two children. His mental health was not good, so he chose not to work and stay at home with the kids instead. He would guilt trip me about having to be a stay-at-home dad, and insisted I buy him gifts and let him spend whatever money he wanted on himself. His physical violence continued through the course of our relationship.

He paid close attention to my earning and spending and made me ask permission before I bought anything. I was earning a good wage so couldn’t understand why there was often less in the bank account than I expected. We relied on food parcels and used layby and Afterpay to buy clothes for the children.

He bought a car on hire purchase without me knowing. He put the car in my name and never made payments on it. He also used my bank card to buy what he wanted without my knowledge. Money kept leaving the bank account and I wasn’t sure where it was going, or why there was nothing to show for it. I discovered that he had a drug addiction. He was spending money on meth
instead of food and other things we needed as a family. I started to hide money and tell him I was earning less than I was so we could buy essentials and get through to the next pay day.

“He would rather use the money to buy drugs than to buy food for the kids. Sometimes I would just give
him money because I was so drained, and I couldn’t argue with him anymore.”

I was worried and I went to Oranga Tamariki for help. I felt like they were judging me for staying in the relationship. Instead of requiring my partner to get help for his addiction, they suggested I go to a parenting course. I tried to leave him many times. He always said he would do better. I thought it would be better for the kids to live with both parents, and I didn’t have the outside support I needed to leave. Earlier this year, counselling sessions and a parenting course helped me find the strength to leave. The children and I were homeless when I left, so we’ve been living in my sister’s lounge. He crashed the first car he bought under my name and got another one using my details, which he isn’t paying for. The debt he has taken out in my name has given me a bad credit rating so I can’t rent a place or buy a car.

“His car has given me bad credit for seven years. His current car is under my name but he’s not paying the bills, so it affects my credit rating. It’s stressful and depressing but I am trying not to think about it.”

My largest debt is to the Ministry of Social Development because each time I left the relationship I had nothing, so received hardship grants to get furniture for my children. The debt built up to thousands and I am paying it back $25 a week. I’m still paying off the debts I accumulated through the relationship, but I feel a bit better about managing them now. I feel ashamed about how long I stayed with Steve, but I’m also proud of how far I have come. The kids are seven and nine now. I really hope our future will be debt-free and financially stable.

“[I hope to] have a better career, kids settled at a good school — simple things like that. I’m doing better now. I’m striving for the best.”

Juliette’s story Download

Nell’s story about economic harm

I’m studying to be a counsellor because I want to help people. I’m trying to understand what has happened to me. I want to make a good life for my son and I.

I brought $100,000 of savings into my marriage. Economic abuse made me dependent and vulnerable, and my ex used the legal system to drive me into debt.

This is Nell’s story, edited to keep her safe and help you read. Quotes are Nell’s own words. Names have been changed.

I moved to New Zealand 10 years ago. I studied, got my residency visa and gained full time employment. I was enjoying life — making good friends, earning good money, and saving as much as I could for a deposit on a house.

I met Byron at one of the hobby clubs I was part of. He was charismatic and charming. He felt like someone I had been looking for my whole life. I had some painful abusive relationships in the past and I was thrilled to think I was leaving that behind.

“I had dreamt about meeting someone like him. And finally, I did.”

Things moved quickly. Within weeks he wanted to move in together. Within months he said we should get married, open joint bank and credit accounts, have children and buy property. I was surprised by the whirlwind of this time but I went with it because he seemed like the perfect man. It’s rare to meet a man who actually wants to have children. I became pregnant quickly and he pushed for us to buy a family home.

My friends were alarmed at how fast we were moving and so was my financial advisor. They advised against buying a house together and said I should get a prenuptial contract since I was bringing $100,000 in savings to the marriage, and he was bringing debts. Byron was furious when I suggested this.

“He made me out to be a very bad person for asking [for a prenuptial agreement]. He said, ‘there is no way I would ever leave the mother of my child in need’.”

I was afraid he would leave me, so I let it go and agreed to joint bank accounts and credits cards. I agreed we could use my savings as a deposit for a house.

We bought the house, used the rest of my savings to renovate, and our son was born. Not long after this our relationship started to fall apart. It was like a mask dropped for him. He was verbally and psychologically abusive and he made a lot of threats.

“It feels like he’s a spider and the more web he had around me — in terms of the joint property, the child — the more dependent and the more vulnerable I was. The more he suffocated me.”

He threatened to take our son away from me and take the house away. The house was important to me because it represented my life’s dreams and my savings. He was cheating on me, claiming to be a sex addict, and begged me to stay and help him rehabilitate.

As things in our relationship got worse, I was horrified to learn that New Zealand law meant he could take half of the house even though we used my savings to buy it and I paid the mortgage. I was even more shocked when I found out I would be forced to take on half of my husband’s debt if we got divorced. That’s when I realised I was going to lose half of the money I had worked so hard to save. I had no family and no information about the legal system.

“All his actions were strategic moves. A sort of game for him. He knew the process, he knew the laws and I didn’t.”

He tricked me into moving out of the house by saying his lawyer recommended showing and selling the house with no one in it. When my son and I were out, his girlfriend moved in and he refused to talk with lawyers or real estate agents about selling. He and his girlfriend wouldn’t pay the mortgage, rates or bills, and the bank started calling me to ask for payments. I was now caring for my son full time as a single parent and felt forced to sign for a mortgage holiday, which meant debt was accumulating and would come out of house sale proceedings.

“Once we were finally free of him, he started to use the legal system to abuse me.”

I managed to hire a lawyer with a small amount of money I had hidden from him. A judge ordered the sale of the house and by this point I had lost more than half of my investment and taken on tens of thousands of dollars in my husband’s debt. He was enraged about the sale of the home.

He quit his job and started work that paid under the table so he could hide his income and avoid paying child support. He claimed he could only find work in expensive areas of town, and demanded the courts order me and our son to move to these areas where rent was more than I could afford. When I complied and moved, he would quit his job and move again, and return to court to insist I move too. This crippled me financially and I couldn’t understand why he was able to dictate where we lived.

He started typing up false things about me and filing them in court, saying I wasn’t a fit mother. It didn’t cost him to make false allegations, but I had to put together massive affidavits and evidence, paying for a lawyer and taking up lots of my time. He is still using the court to financially abuse me, and unless laws change, he could keep doing this until our son is an adult.

“Just knowing that there are people who I can reach out to … that’s so precious and this saves lives.”

I have a lot of legal debt, but I still feel hopeful. The little money I got from the house sale went towards a small home where the mortgage is less than my previous rent. I’m grateful to people who have helped me find housing, clothes and food — some of them are complete strangers. And I’m thankful to organisations like Women’s Refuge and Good Shepherd who have helped me navigate the financial system and try to repair my ruined credit.

“I’m quite confident that we will be okay because I’m quite careful with our finances . . . Our income is very low, and our expenses are quite high, but we’re managing because of all the support.”

Nell’s story Download

Getting Susan back on her feet after extreme relationship violence

Susan experienced extreme relationship violence and lost her business and her home. A grant helped Susan apply for, register and serve bankruptcy documents to her ex so she can be paid the money she is owed.

Susan* experienced extreme relationship violence, which caused the loss of her business and privately owned home. Threatening behaviours continued in the form of stalking after the relationship ended. She lived in hiding out of fear for her safety, and was facing ongoing challenges with her health as a result of violence.

When Susan enquired about a Good Loan for some legal costs, she was renting a home shared with her son who is autistic. She was receiving the sickness benefit and struggling to meet the costs of basic needs. Years of lengthy court proceedings against her ex-partner had taken a toll, which worsened when the High Court ruled in favour of Susan receiving $61,000 for unpaid child support and her ex fled the country in response.

While she was seeking financial support to progress her legal battle, Susan’s ex made complaints to the Ministry of Social Development, the legal aid service and Inland Revenue. This prevented her accessing any financial assistance from these agencies.

Good Shepherd’s family violence economic harm support service explored options for Susan including a bridging loan. But the complex nature of her situation limited the affordability and repayment of a loan. We approved a grant to cover the cost for Susan to apply for, register and serve bankruptcy documents to her ex so she can be paid the money she is owed. The unpaid child support will enable Susan to get back on her feet and hold her ex-partner accountable. She will have more options to move to affordable housing, plan for a better future, and continue improving her mental and emotional wellbeing.

Working alongside Susan, our team also discussed housing support, connected her with the Salvation Army to address basic needs, and introduced her to a financial mentor to help with challenges moving forward.

In an email, Susan says “Thank you, thank you so much. You have no idea how long I have been waiting for good news. Everyone always has the best intentions but for some reason or another, they can never help! I am forever grateful and will pay it forward as soon as I can”.

“It feels like suddenly there is ground under my feet instead of being in free fall. It still hasn’t fully sunken in yet”.

* name has been changed for safety.

Rina’s story about cleaning up her credit

I want to get back to a place where I can buy good food and ingredients to cook for my family. I’d love to create resources for women who are going through the kind of challenges I’ve faced.

We had been married 16 years when he developed serious gambling and drug addictions. I can’t believe how much debt he was able to take out in my name.

This is Rina’s story, edited to keep her safe and help you read. Quotes are Rina’s own words. Names have been changed.

I’m an IT professional and am now a single parent of my two teenage boys. I met my ex-husband Mal when I was very young, and we got married when I was 20.

He had always managed our finances. The mortgage, car loans and bank accounts were in both of our names, but he handled the accounting. I didn’t have much visibility of the family finances. I thought we were financially stable.

“We had an amazing marriage for almost twenty years. We had a 1.5 million dollar property. We had a Range Rover. But then something changed.”

About 16 years into our marriage I noticed some changes in his behaviour that worried me. He started disappearing a lot and he lied about where he was. He was often short tempered. He started obsessing about money.

When I started getting calls from banks and creditors looking for payments, I was shocked.

The calls from creditors continued, and I learned Mal was getting credit cards out under my name. He was applying for them online. When you’ve been together for so long your partner has access to your passport, your driver’s license, your logins.

“It’s so easy to apply for stuff online . . . He was going to screw up my credit rating. Once your rating’s gone, you’re screwed.”

I found out he had developed serious gambling and drugs addictions. He was slowly bankrupting our family to pay for these habits. He became erratic and violent. I saw gang members coming to the house. I was afraid for myself and my children. Every day for four years, he would demand that I give him money and jewellery my family had given me. He smashed up the room, pulled all my clothes out of the drawers. It looked like I had been robbed every day.

“We had no food, no money, and I didn’t know how to get out of it.”

Eventually his physical attacks got so bad that I got a protection order and he was forced to leave the family home. The court ordered the sale of the house and I was shocked to realise that the law says if a couple takes debt on — even if it’s only in his name — everything is split 50/50. So even though the house was valued at $1.5 million I walked away with $30,000.

I moved into my mum’s house. I felt like I was 16 years old, and I felt like a failure.

Good Shepherd helped me to clean up my credit and get a loan for a small home.

“I fought for this independence and if it wasn’t for Good Shepherd I wouldn’t have my own home.”

I’m now the sole supporter for my children. We were starting to get back on track but I was made redundant recently. Doing well in my work is important to me and this came as a real blow. The market is really tough at the moment, and I really don’t want to lose another house.

Looking back, I am furious my ex-husband was able to take out so much debt in my name. What he did was horrible, but I wouldn’t be in this situation if our laws and financial institutions were different. If someone does a credit check and sees lots of cards under my name, how can they keep approving loans? A lot of big banks approved credit cards in my name but they never once asked me to go in person to validate or verify or authenticate.

“I started blaming myself. I was like, ‘how dumb can I be?’. But I also feel as though all these people online approving stuff, they failed me because they should have done more to validate who was actually applying for a loan.”

It was also very frustrating that no one believed the debt wasn’t mine. When the bank would call I kept telling them I don’t know about the debt they’re mentioning and they said ‘It’s under your name. You’re responsible’. It wasn’t until I got in touch with Good Shepherd that anyone believed me.

An experience like what I’ve been through can weigh heavy on your chest. But I’m putting my energy back into my future, into my kids and into growing myself. I am letting go of anger so I can grow.

“I’m in a really, really good space and I no longer blame myself. But one thing I will say is, to women or anyone going through economic harm — go with your gut.”

Rina’s story Download