Do we need to talk about money?

When one person earns less they can experience guilt. Making purchases when you are not the one who earned the money can also lead to feelings of guilt. For men, this may be a challenge due to traditional ideas of men as providers, regardless of how their relationship is structured.

The higher earning partner may resent the partner who earns less if they buy goods that aren’t considered essential. The partner earning more may feel taken advantage of, or that the household budget is unbalanced. Staying at home to raise children can also lead to feelings of resentment, particularly if this was not planned, and leaving their job felt forced.

Money equates to power, and often control. Sometimes the primary income earner believes or positions themselves to have power to make the majority of decisions about how money is spent and/or managed – which can be a slippery slope to financial and economic harm, impacting all elements of the family dynamics.

There are many reasons couples may lie or withhold information about money – overspending, embarrassment, issues of control, discomfort, etc. Whether intentional or not, these behaviours have the potential to damage trust and respect in the relationship.

Hiding money is another issue – it may be put aside as an exit plan if things don’t go well, or a secret stash for spending. For a relationship to be and remain healthy, financial decisions need to be discussed so both people know what’s going on. If however, the relationship doesn’t feel safe for these conversations it may be useful to seek additional support.

If the family’s assets (typically property) are only in one partner’s name, this can lead to issues relating to security, commitment, and a person’s sense of equality within the relationship.